1.4.3: Connecting at different levels

Asynchronous growth can make friendships and belonging harder. Class mates may connect easily because their growth is more aligned. At times, it can feel like you live between worlds — part of you racing ahead, part still finding its footing. I often meet clients who feel lonely or hopeless because of this. Yet, I have also seen the moment when understanding clicks, and new possibilities open. They begin to look for friends who match them, not just in age but in depth. They learn to invest in the people who can really see them, and to accept that not everyone will and that you don’t need all of the above from each friend. Sharing yourself in pieces, at the right pace, often leads to a better and more real connection.

a) From the therapy room

Meeting People Where They Are

My uncles constantly mansplain when we talk about my business. It’s like they still see me as a little girl playing with ponies, not someone who has taken real steps and built something over the past few years. Back then when I was younger, they really got under my skin, I’d argue with them, trying to prove who I was becoming. But eventually, I stopped expecting them to catch up. I accepted that they might never fully see what’s inside me, and honestly, since then, our time together has become much more enjoyable.

Looking back now, at 20, I notice I sometimes do the same thing in reverse. Back in school, I looked at some of my classmates and wondered how they could still be so uninterested in anything real or meaningful. I saw them more like kids, carefree, caught up in things I felt I’d already outgrown, and I’d get frustrated when they didn’t think the way I did. But I’ve learned that just like I can’t force my uncles to update their image of me, I can’t project my own expectations onto others either. That doesn’t mean I can’t connect with them or be friends, but just that I need to meet people where they are, not where I want them to be… and that responsibility is really on me, not them

b) About connecting at different levels

b) Poll

c) Conclusion – what did we learn

Why can I solve advanced problems but struggle with basic everyday things?
Growth across thinking, emotion, social skills, and body control does not always move at the same pace. High abilities can co-exist with shaky executive skills like planning, starting, or finishing routine tasks. Supports like checklists, timers, or breaking tasks down make life easier.

Why do I feel both older and younger than my age at the same time?
You may think and feel like an adult but still need comfort and guidance in other ways. Both truths can live together. Give yourself permission to be brilliant and still need care.

Why do I connect better with adults yet still feel like a kid inside?
You match adults on ideas and depth but remain a teen in needs and limits. Look for peers by shared interests rather than only by age. Keep both mentors and safe friends.

Why do I sometimes feel invisible or misunderstood even by people close to me?
People often see only one side of you. Some notice your abilities and miss your needs. Others see your struggles and miss your depth. Clear communication and choosing carefully whom to share with makes connection easier.

d) What did you think of the lesson and its content?

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